he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
