it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know her cup size but not her name....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
