The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize