be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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