I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
