her vagine was all disorganized.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
