We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I want is dick and wine.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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