Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
