p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
