I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize