Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.

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(616): View more from Michigan

my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

(1-616): View more from Michigan

does that include her cleaning your bowl?

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(303): View more from Colorado

That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

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(818): View more from California

Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother

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