I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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