i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
