Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
