I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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