Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
