I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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