oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
