I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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