Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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