you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize