U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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