You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
