Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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