one word: firstdatebathroomanal
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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