his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
