wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
