After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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