I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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