she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
