Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
