i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
