I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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