Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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