I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
