My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
