oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
