so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
