The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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