I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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