I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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