I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
