Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
