His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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