I showed him my bush... on skype.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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