I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
