I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
