Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
