From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
