I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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