Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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