where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
