I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
