when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
