Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
