sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
