u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
