Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
