I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
