where am i from again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
