I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
