Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
