I got chris browned last night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
