everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
