god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
