you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
