i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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