so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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