If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So much rum. So many feels.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
