You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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