dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
