I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
