the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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