Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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